When supporting someone with Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), the words you choose matter. Certain statements can unintentionally minimize their experience, trigger emotional distress, or reinforce feelings of guilt and shame. Understanding what not to say helps you create a safer, more validating environment.

Avoid minimizing or dismissive comments.
Phrases like “It wasn’t that bad,” “You’re overreacting,” or “Other people have it worse” invalidate the severity of their trauma. C-PTSD often develops from long-term, repeated trauma, so any suggestion that they are exaggerating can worsen feelings of isolation.

Never tell them to “just move on.”
Statements such as “Let it go,” “You need to get over it,” or “That was a long time ago” oversimplify a complex condition. Healing from C-PTSD is not about willpower; it requires time, support, and often professional therapy.

Avoid questioning their memory or experiences.
Saying “Are you sure that happened?” or “You must be remembering it wrong” can be deeply invalidating and retraumatizing. Many people with C-PTSD already struggle with self-doubt due to years of manipulation or abuse.

Do not compare their trauma to yours or someone else’s.
Comments like “I’ve been through worse” or “At least it wasn’t…” shift attention away from their pain and imply a hierarchy of suffering.

Refrain from giving unsolicited advice.
Well-intended phrases such as “You should try harder,” “You need to calm down,” or “Just think positive” can feel dismissive. People with C-PTSD need understanding, not pressure.

Avoid blaming or shaming statements.
Never say “Why didn’t you leave?” “You should’ve known better,” or “It’s partly your fault.” These comments reinforce harmful guilt that survivors are already battling.

The best approach is compassion, patience, and validation. Rather than trying to “fix” them, focus on listening, acknowledging their feelings, and supporting their healing at their pace.